


Outside Help

by phantomofthehoepera



Category: One Piece
Genre: Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Relationship Advice, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:34:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23082565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomofthehoepera/pseuds/phantomofthehoepera
Summary: In which neither Zoro and Sanji know how to talk to each other and thus decide to talk to someone else entirely. Based on an idea that @eastdemons on tumblr had so like. if you think this is good consider stanning them
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 23
Kudos: 164





	Outside Help

”Look, I’m going to be real with you” Sanji said, as he kicked a trembling marine through a door into what looked like a weapons storage. The man fell to the floor, and it struck Sanji that it was quite unlikely that he would have heard anything over the sound of being kicked through a door, so he repeated what he’d said, crouching down next to the man. 

”I’ll be real with you…uh, what’s your name?” 

”It’s- My name is Kevin” Kevin managed to stutter out and Sanji nodded. 

”Alright, Kevin, here’s the thing: I’ll probably end up kicking you overboard at the end of this, so don’t get your hopes up too much” Kevin swallowed, looking like he was seconds from passing out but Sanji ignored him and continued ”However, you can postpone that if you help me out a little. Understood?” ’

A fit of bravery seemed to suddenly hit Kevin and he straightened up a little where he laid on his elbows. 

”I will never betray the marines!” He said, his voice trembling. It would have been quite moving, Sanji suspected, if he cared at all. 

”No, no, it’s nothing like that. Promise” Sanji put a hand over his chest ”I just need to ask you some uh, rather personal questions” 

”Oh?” Kevin slumped back again, seemingly relieved at not having to defend any marine secrets. Frankly, Sanji wasn’t sure what kind of secrets they kept, especially not on this rather undermanned ship, but since Kevin didn’t want to talk about it he figured he wouldn’t ask. 

”So here’s the thing” Sanji sat down and crossed his legs, making himself comfortable ”There’s this guy, right. And we sort of have this dynamic where we fight a bunch, but it’s all done with underlying respect or some shit. Point is, we’re still pretty close and- and let me tell you, I have no idea when it started- I’ve sort of come to view him as more than just a friend. Like, a _lot_ more. You get it?” 

”I-” Kevin frowned, evidently not getting it in the slightest ”Is this you asking me out? Because I appreciate it, I really do but I have a boyfriend so-” 

”No! What?”

”Oh thank god because I thought-”  
  
”Absolutely not-”

”That’s a relief, really”

”It’s not that” Sanji shook his head ”It’s a guy in my crew. You might have seen him. Green hair, built like a warship. Oh, and he’s got three swords for some reason” 

”Oh yeah, that guy” Kevin nodded ”He threw me across the deck at the start of the battle” 

”That’s the one!” Sanji lit a cigarette and took a deep drag of it ”He’s cute, right?”

”I don’t know if ’cute’ is the word I’d use” Kevin said, but Sanji wasn’t listening. He was temporarily distracted by the sounds of the still ongoing battle on the deck above them, and truth be told he filtered out about 50% of what Kevin said anyway. 

”We’ve known each other for a few years now” He began, and then told the story of his and Zoro’s admittedly rather rocky relationship so far.

Meanwhile, up on deck, Zoro had a sword to one of the last marines’ throat. He took his eyes of him for a moment, to check over how the others were doing and when he found that they seemed to hang on fine without him he focused back on the marine, drawing his sword back slightly. 

”Hey man” The marine seemed surprised at being adressed and- more importantly- not dead yet. 

”What’s up?” He asked, his voice surprisingly steady (to him as well, it should be noted). Zoro sheathed one of his swords as he spoke, then wiped the blood of his free hand and reached it out for the marine to take. The two shook hands and Zoro introduced himself, asking the marine’s name so that he wouldn’t have to keep calling him ’the marine’ in his head. 

”It’s Rodrigo” 

”Alright, Rodrigo” Zoro began ”Here’s the thing. I’ll most likely end up at least knocking you out at the end of this, so don’t get your hopes up too much. Thing is, you can postpone it a bit if you help me out with something. Got it?” 

”Understandable” Rodrigo nodded ”What’s your problem, man?” 

”This is gonna sound really embarrassing” Zoro sighed ”But I need some dating advice” 

”Oh, then you’re in luck, man. I happen to be a bonafide Casanova” Rodrigo looked very proud of himself. Zoro didn’t know what a Casanova was, but he could deduce from context and didn’t feel like asking. 

”Great!” He just said instead, and smiled at Rodrigo. Seeing as he seemed rather cooperative, Zoro sheathed the rest of his swords as well, sitting down next to Rodrigo to listen to what he had to say. 

”So first off, who’s the lucky gal, guy or otherwise gendered?” Rodrigo asked ”Anyone from your crew?” 

Zoro just nodded, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed. He hadn’t talked to anyone on the crew about what he had to admit was a full-on crush, and just telling this random marine he’d just met felt very weird. Besides, he could never know what the enemy would do with this type of sensitive information…

”Is it blondie?” Rodrigo asked and Zoro nearly jumped in surprise. 

”Wha- No, it’s- What makes you think that anyway?” 

”That reaction, most of all” Rodrigo snorted ”But the way you guys fought together, I mean it was hard not to see the connection. I wouldn’t let anyone except maybe my boyfriend use his legs to launch me across a battlefield like that” 

”You have a boyfriend?!” Zoro’s face lit up ”That’s great, you can tell me how you asked him out” 

”Oh man, okay” Rodrigo began ”I mean, when I first met Kevin we just had this…spark, you know. It’s hard to put into words, but I mean if you and blondie have something going on you should know what I’m talking about, right?” 

Zoro did know what Rodrigo was talking about, in a sense, although his and Sanji’s spark had been more a spark akin to the kind that starts a fire in a gunpowder factory. Still, he liked to think that there was more to it than that, because he occasionally indulged in some light optimism. 

”I do know what you’re talking about” Zoro nodded sagely ”But where did you go from that? Because me and this guy are pretty stuck at the spark stage” 

”Let me think…” Rodrigo scratched his head ”I believe we’d known each other for about…three months, maybe. And I think he mentioned he’d never eaten sushi, so I said I’d take him and it just sort of…happened. Not much more complicated than that” 

”Oh so it’s that easy” Zoro couldn’t help but sigh in relief. He’d been worried that asking someone out was far more complicated than that, but if things just came naturally, like Rodrigo said, it wouldn’t be much of a problem. 

”Yeah, man!” Rodrigo smiled ”Just take things easy, and don’t try to rush it” 

”Alright…” Kevin had sat up while Sanji told his story and now had his head resting in his hands, looking like he was deep in thought ”Well, I can’t speak for you and Roronoa, but I had to be really, _really_ obvious. I think I must have flirted with him for weeks before he finally asked me out” 

”Oh” Sanji suddenly felt very, very worried. He could flirt with women, even if it didn’t lead anywhere, but it was a very different story when it came to men, and he could only imagine it’d be even worse trying to act anything but rude with Zoro. And trying to get anything through that thick skull of his seemed…almost impossible, without being completely obvious. 

”Hey, hey, don’t get too worked up about it” Kevin seemed to sense Sanji’s worry ”I’m sure you’ll make it work somehow. After all, you don’t have to go around waiting to be asked out. You could just do it yourself” 

”Of course I can!” Sanji huffed ”In fact, I’m going to. I’m not giving that idiot the satisfaction of being the first to ask” 

”I- Okay, we can work with that” Kevin nodded ”So where should you take him, then?” 

Sanji opened his mouth, then closed it again as he realized he had absolutely no idea. After a short paus, he silently informed Kevin of this, finishing with a glare meant to dissuade Kevin from trying to have any fun about it. 

”That is an issue, yeah” Kevin was quiet for a moment, no doubts thinking things over ”You guys travel a lot right? Do you think that’ll complicate things even more?” 

”Ugh, I didn’t even think about that” Sanji groaned ”The best I can plan is like, the crow’s nest” 

At least he knew that Zoro liked it, considering he spent a majority of his time there. However, Sanji wasn’t all too excited about the prospect of going on a date that close to the prying eyes of the crew and with a sweat smell positively ingrained in the very walls of the place. 

”It’s hopeless” He sighed ”Maybe I should just give up?” 

”Wha- _No!_ ” Wether it was out of self preservation or genuine care for Sanji’s romantic life (with the former being slightly more likely) Kevin sounded very passionate about keeping the planning going ”You’ve fought your way through the Grand Line, right? And did you give up then? No, you didn’t. Because you’re stronger than that. You’re a _pirate_ for god’s sake, not even the World Government could stop you from doing what you want so why should you hesitate to do it this time?”  


”I-”

”No, you listen to me” Kevin pointed at Sanji, who was starting to feel like he was being encouraged to go to battle rather than ask someone out. And, he realized, it was rather inspiring. 

”You’re serious about this guy, right?” Kevin continued ”And you have a lot of respect for him, so don’t you think you owe him this? Don’t you think you owe him the truth? It doesn’t matter where you go, because if you’re really in love with him then that will make any place special. Because it’s not about where. It’s about _who._ So get up there, right now, and stop being a god damn _coward_ ” 

The room went silent, save for Kevin’s slightly labored breathing, with Sanji too shocked by the outburst to say anything in response for a long while and Kevin apparently done with his monologue. 

”Did you-” Sanji finally managed to gather his thoughts enough to say something, some half-hearted malice slipping into his voice ”Did you just call me a coward?” 

”I’m sorry!” Kevin went right back to terrified ”It just sorta…happened. I didn’t mean to, I swear!”

”No, no” Sanji put a hand on his shoulder ”You’re right. I am a coward. Or I was, but I’m not gonna keep that shit up. I’m gonna go out there…”

He paused, taking a deep breath. 

”I’m gonna go out there right now, and I’m gonna ask him out” 

”Y-yeah” Kevin reached up and grabbed Sanji’s arm, squeezing it reassuringly ”Yeah! Yeah, you go out there! I believe in you!” 

”Thank you!” Sanji beamed at him and stood up, hurriedly making for the door. In the rubble, however, he stopped. 

”I almost forgot” He said as he turned around ”I still have to kick your ass. It’s a matter of professionalism”

”Oh yeah” Kevin’s face fell ”Don’t suppose you could hold back a bit?” 

”Fine” Sanji sighed ”I’ll make it quick” 

”Wait a minute!” Zoro shot up from where he’d been laying on deck, listening to Rodrigo talk about his boyfriend. 

”What’s the matter, man?” 

”I just realized something” Zoro was starting to feel slightly panicked ”You said it ’happened’ after a few months, right?” 

”Yeah, three months” Rodrigo nodded ”Why?” 

”I’ve known Sanji for more than two years” Zoro wasn’t 100% sure about the exact mathematics, but he was sure enough to know that it wasn’t looking good ”And it hasn’t ’happened’”

”Well maybe you just need-” Rodrigo began, but Zoro cut him off. 

”No. I don’t think I can keep waiting for it to ’happen’” He stood up ”I’ll have to make it happen myself. That’s what I do best anyways” 

”You know what, man” Rodrigo got up as well, albeit a bit more relaxed than Zoro ”Go for it. It’s not like I’ll be able to stop you, is it?” 

”Of course not” Zoro smirked. He looked out over deck, and to his surprise found that more marines seemed to have appeared. Backup in the form of a second ship had arrived, most likely during the time he and Rodrigo had spent talking. On one hand it meant more people to tear through, which was fun, but on the other it meant it was really difficult to spot Sanji. With a tired sigh, Zoro drew his swords and turned to Rodrigo. 

”Thanks for the help” He said, then turned away again and leapt into battle. 

As he worked his way through the backup with ease, he kept an eye out for Sanji but he was nowhere to be seen. Really, it was quite distracting and one marine even managed to graze Zoro’s shoulder with her sword, before she was sent flying. Zoro followed her with his gaze as she soared across the deck, crashing into the railing right next to a broken down door. Right as she did, Sanji stepped outside, and Zoro quickly started making his way towards him before he could change his mind. 

Sanji noticed him fairly quickly and to Zoro’s surprise he too started taking determined steps towards him, and the two met up in the middle of the deck in just a few moments. 

”Mosshead!”  
  
”Perv!”

”Listen” Sanji began, shrugging the insult off like it was nothing ”I need to ask you something” 

”Wait your turn then, I have to ask you something as well!” Zoro was about to ask, but was distracted as he had to fend off an oncoming attack. As he turned around to do so, he sensed Sanji doing the same, putting the two back-to-back against the enemies, as they always had been and always would be. It was reassuring, really, and it stopped Zoro from having to get distracted by the way Sanji’s hair glittered when he moved as he mustered up the courage to try and ask again. 

”Listen here you bastard!” Okay, maybe not the best start ”I decided to ask first, so I should get to do it. Besides, my question is important!”

”So is mine!” Sanji’s sentence was punctuated by the sound of boots meeting teeth ”Can’t you just wait your turn you barbarian?” 

”I really, _really_ can’t, actually” Zoro replied through gritted teeth, as he easily blocked an attack. 

”Maybe you should say it at the same time” Said the marine who’s attack Zoro had blocked, before being sent flying. 

”Huh” Said Zoro, moving onto the next marine ”That’s not such a bad idea” 

”Are you fucking serious?” 

”Maybe I am?” 

Sanji didn’t respond for a long time, and Zoro couldn’t be sure if it was because he was too busy kicking marines to kingdom come or too busy being disappointed. Whatever the case, it took him quite a while before he gave a loud, and annoyed sigh. 

”You know what” He said ”Fine. We’ll do it on the count of three” 

”I’ll count”

”The hell you-” Sanji took an audible, deep breath ” _Fine._ Just don’t fuck it up” 

”One” Zoro began, declining to start anything over the fact that Sanji had just implied that he could fuck something as simple as counting to three up, and focusing instead on keeping the oncoming marines away. 

”Two” He was starting to feel sweaty and it definitely wasn’t because of the fight. The only thing the marines really had going for them were numbers, and the most that did was distract Zoro from his counting as he had to focus on getting some of them out of the way. It felt like whenever he was just about to finish the countdown, some unfortunate soldier with high thoughts of themselves would come out of nowhere to distract him, and soon it seemed Sanji grew tired of the waiting. 

”Three!” Zoro heard him yell, and hurriedly turned around, just as Sanji did the same and put the two of them face-to-face. 

”Go out with me?” Zoro blurted out. 

”Do you want to go out some time?” Sanji said at the same time. 

There was a momentarily pause, as the two of them considered what they’d just heard, but then Zoro felt a grin slowly spread across his face. Sanji looked like he couldn’t decide wether to be angry or happy, and finally settled on something in between. 

”You _motherfucker_ ” He spat out, with not a single trace of the amount of venom Zoro knew he could muster, and the comment didn’t manage to rile Zoro up in the slightest, only sending him into another fit of laughter, as the two of them turned back away from each other. 

”Think we’ll be able to agree on where to go?” Sanji asked, and Zoro had to give it some thought, finishing off the last marines coming his way. 

”Probably not” He finally concluded ”But we’ll work it out somehow” 

An hour later, the very broken marine ships were still anchored in the same spot, as backup was called for and the wounded (the majority) were bandaged up. A bit off to the side, Rodrigo and Kevin were sat, with Rodrigo pressing an ice pack to Kevin’s jaw and Kevin bandaging a cut on Rodrigo’s free hand. 

”You know” Kevin began, although it sounded more like _’Yennew’_ due to the condition of his jaw ”I had the weirdest thing happen to me today” 

”Bet it’s not as weird as what happened to me” Rodrigo said, and the two of them began telling their respective stories to each other, as the _Thousand Sunny_ shrank further and further into the distance. 

**Author's Note:**

> can't believe I managed to finish this jgkhfjhgfjhgf comment and don't forget to click the bell button


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